Hello!!! How was the holidays? Holidays in my family are a recipe for disaster. Well, I bought myself a couple of CD's, 21st Century Breakdown and Dangerous. While taking the plastic wrapping off, I impaled my mother with a Green Day CD. The corner hit her on the ankle bone. Well, my bad. My family decided to break out all the German traditions this year, tirbuted to Uncle Herb, so we opened presents on Christmas Eve. Once everyone was hammered and loopy, dinner was over and we were on the phone with Uncle Rick, discussing what it would be like if our family won the lottery and got our own TV show. I "played Santa" this year, and by the end, I was tearing paper off to get to the bottom of the pile. My brother got three packs of microwaveable Chow Mien and five packages of underwear. I got five pairs of socks and a lot of Michael Jackson and The Beatles stuff. Bro has this *brilliant* idea.
"NEW GAME! How about, everytime someone opens a present, you do a shot."
That worked REALLY well. Haha, after a night of non-stop Carpenters, everyone had had enough so we went to bed. On Christmas Day, we drove down to Connecticut. There is NO place like home. We get to my Aunt Jay's house, and my second cousins Marisa and Tyler and my cousins Chris and Micky were there along with the whole Brizz gang. Jay, Larry, mom, dad, Mike, me, Fran, Kev, Eric, Jack, mem, and Steve. Steve shared awesome stories with us about his hairy back and how Nair works so well. Wow, thanks. I really needed to know that. My brother and Steve were gettin to Marisa real well because they kept calling her goth and she was FREAKING out. Calm down, sparky. They're just being themselves. Marisa precedes to tell me about her boyfriend. Her parents think he's gay because his name is Alexis, his favorite color is purple, and his favorite movies are Mean Girls and The Notebook... Sounds straight to me! ;-) Micky was loading up on the drinks. Rather than rum and coke, she was going for vodka and coke, which turned into vodka with a shot of coke. By the end of Christmas, everyone was cursing and so drunk, they could've given Mem a heart attack. The next day was Aunt Fran's birthday. We decided to go to the mall, so we swung by Aunt Jays to pick up Jay, Marisa and Micky. The mall was freakin' packed, but we trailed along, dragging Micky in all of her hungover glory along with us. Drunk people are really funny. But when your entire Christmas is bombarded with alcoholics, it's really unerving. Haha, after shopping for four hours, we went out to dinner for Aunt Fran's birthday. It was an extreme task trying to scope out a joint that would seat 17 people, we now had Jen and Dean joining us. We found a place and everyone meets up. This PAINSTAKINGLY long dinner consisted of me and Marisa simultaneously texting, the bro and I exchanging akward glances, and Steve shooting me weird looks I couldn't decipher. I looked over to the other end of the table and Steve goes "Jenn, turn your head. I don't want to tell you this" and continues to tell a story inappropriate for anyone my age. He also called me a redneck or something, but I've stopped processing what the druken idiot says about three years ago. He was going to take Mike and Ty out after dinner and says "That's it! I'm not touching anymore of these damn kids! I took Eric out, and got in trouble for that! Then I took Jaclyn out to get her belly button pierced and almost got in BIG trouble for that! No more" With that, he ends up taking Mike and Ty and even when Mike is supposed to drive, Steve takes the wheel and all the parents are going ballistic. Yep, that's a holiday with my family if I've ever had one. How was your holiday? If you have any great fantastic stories, I'll be glad to post them. God knows, I'm running out of things to post. You can only say so many things about your freakin' crazy family. Peace out!
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